One of the most terrible sights you will ever see is a child singing star grown up. Most of the pretty or handsome ones turn out to be the ugliest people you ever wish you had not seen. It is not a strange or even new concept, but it is a fact of life that many have had to face. A good for instance is Danny on the old Partridge Family show. You know the cute, chubby kid that played the drums. He is now Danny Bonaduce… and thank God he is on radio more than he is on television because that kid left cute and chubby on the bus. In fact, that bus may have run over his face a few dozen times. And we now know why the show was eventually cancelled.
Someone Get the Number of that Rhino’s Butt
Danny never did sing much on the show unless background singing counts and even then, all we really know is that he was moving his lips. Perhaps if li’l Danny had a RME expert/RME baby face, he might have at least had a career as a backing vocalist. As it is, Danny could be the poster boy for the Save my Rhino’s Butt Foundation (especially if that Rhino’s butt looks like his face). As a DJ, he does not have to actually parade around onstage in front of an empty audience.
Why Most Child Stars Shine so Brightly (At First)
When you start cute and cuddly, it sticks with you unless you are actually beaten with an ugly stick (especially about the face and neck)
Enjoy those notes while you can – believe me… they will not last
If you can sing and are a child… all you need is a venue. Of course, having a chimp and wearing one glove couldn’t hurt.
Holding on to that look of innocence may not be easy, but as long as it gets your foot in the door and not in your mouth, you’ll be fine.
A child, a singer, and he or she plays an instrument… forget it. A star is born.
Wholesome sells. It also helps if you are from Kansas or Canada Children Cover Your eyes, Ears, and Memories
If you listen to Danny’s voice on the radio, you know in your heart that he must have been lip-syncing in the show because his voice is rather irritating — he’s probably used something like a Focusrite Pro to help him! It is not as bad as looking at his face so I am not complaining; however, it does run a close second. He has the voice of a three pack a day smoker who sucks the smoke in through a hole in his throat. The course, strangely nauseating sound wreaks havoc with the eardrums and can cause an epileptic seizure so beware if you have epilepsy.
The Obvious Choice
Danny Bonaduce does have a television show. It is the Most Shocking series and if there was ever an apt title… it is this one. Most shocking is exactly the phrase one thinks of when they first meet Mr.Bonaduce. First… it is most shocking that a man would wear the back end of a horse costume on his face. Then you realize that it is his face. Second, it is most shocking to hear him speak several words strung together (as if trying to speak the English language) and realize that you actually can judge a book by its cover. The fact is that Danny is so ugly his face is flame retardant (you heard it here first, folks).
It Helps if you Do something you Love
The show Most Shocking is about stupid people that do stupid things. Danny was the natural choice for the role. We get to watch videos, usually shot from a police car camera, as people do the stupidest things imaginable. Once the video is over, Danny or another member of the crew will either have something that is supposed to be funny to say about it… or they act out the stupidity again for us just in case we were still too stunned by seeing Danny to remember what happened. Every time the show comes on I expect to see Danny caught on camera doing something dumb. I mean, something dumber than what he actually does on the show.
God is Laughing
The show actually has a following and does fairly well in the ratings. Of course, having actual stars in the other cast position helps. How Danny got the gig is beyond me. Well… it is called most shocking. so. His resume, which reads like a carnival sideshow list, is not going to get him any other kind of gig, that is for sure. Danny is an American Radio Host, comedian, Professional Wrestler, Television Personality, and Former Child Star. I am not joking. This is what he actually puts on his resume’ and if you Google him, it is actually confirmed in Wikipedia. Who says the good Lord has no sense of humor.
