What is a rock star? — A stereotypical rock star is someone who by nature is somewhat dangerous, not very politically correct, and relatively out of control. A Rock Start is not afraid of controversy. in fact they feel empowered when they push the envelope as far as they possibly can, regardless of consequence, and regardless of audience.

They are shooting stars with their bad attitudes, and their exposed middle fingers for the world to see – and we love them every minute for it. Jim Morrison, Curt Cobain, Axl Rose, Slash, Maynard Keenan, Lane Staley, Trent Reznor, Courtney Love, Amy Winehouse and even Madonna are all artists that carry the typical rock stars persona.

What is a pop star? Unlike Rock Stars, Pop Stars will go out of there way to be politically correct. They really don’t like controversy. In fact they don’t feel comfortable embroiled in controversy, and will do everything possible to stay away from it. By nature Pop stars have a clean cut image, and crave mass acceptance and appeal. I’ve heard someone say — “Pop stars want you to like them, rock stars doesn’t give a F@#$ Well said! Michael Jackson, Michael Bolton, Paula Abdul, Kenny Loggins, Lionel Richie, Celine Dion and even Josh Brogren are all artists the carry the stereotypical pop stars persona.”

Lately we’ve seen a new breed of rock emerge called Candy Metal, Hard Pop, or my favorite “Poser Rock.” Bands “posing” as “rock stars” but based on their lame ass look, behavior, songs, lyrics, actions, and even live performances they are anything but Rock Stars. These bands tend to be highly corporate, with highly commercialized music that sounds overly polished, extremely predictable, popish, and even sing songy. Regardless of the distorted guitar or any cool visuals offered up — they are anything but rock stars. Their music lacks the typical jagged edge sound that can cut you like a knife, in fact since were on the subject it’s more like a butter knife or a spoon. The following bands or artists are what I consider to be “Poser Rockers” — Coldplay, Matchbox 20, Gin Blossoms, Daughtry, Lifehouse, and yes even Nickelback,

My hats off to this new amazing genre “Poser Rock.” Now we have an amazing catalogue of music that we can listen to while eating bran muffins, doing yoga, homework, bird watching, house cleaning, attending parent teacher conferences, or when we’re at the dentists’ office. All of the aforementioned bands should consider themselves true “Poser Rock” pioneers, as they take the edge off of a million or so elevator rides around this country day in and day out. No offense guys but your music is nothing we would start a riot to, but it doesn’t mean your music is not changing the world with it’s amazing message. More and more Americans are cleaning up their act by exercising regularly, quitting smoking, changing their diet as a direct result “Poser Rock” is having upon our “pop” culture. As for all the closet poser rockers out there I say put out your cigarettes, and come on over to our open arms. You’ll not only be making millions of dollars doing it, but you’ll also finally be giving us music to drive home safely to.

As a direct result of this massive shift over to “Poser Rock” genre by millions of bands (signed or unsigned) we have seen a mass exodus of Rap Stars in order to fill the void once occupied by Rock Stars. My hats off to those Rap Stars for letting it all hang out, putting some stink on it and keeping it real. Thanks for doing Americas dirty work for us while we all pretend to be hard core like you. It’s days like this as I drive down the road listening to Nickelbak and I say to myself “GOD WHY CAN”T I BE BLACK.”

Finally I leave you with one last announcement. This amazing new “Poser Rock” genre needs a tag line to go along with it’s movement. So let me officially announce the new official “Poser Rock” tag line here and now. As of 2010 — I am officially replacing Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll with “Condoms, Vitamins, and Poser Rock!.”

My hats off to Nikelback for not only leading the “Poser Rock” movement, but for not suing themselves either:


By: Cyrus Rhodes


Leave a Reply